Thursday, February 11, 2016

I'm in a Funk

Remember how in last week's post I mentioned that February was one of those months that had the potential to bring me down? Well, it succeeded.

A year ago Saturday, I was on top of the world...literally! Darcy and I were still in Dubai and we went to the top of the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building on the planet. The observation deck sits 452 meters (1,483 feet) in the sky, and was part of a great day to cap our trip.

Fast forward a year, and it's the middle of February in the Midwest. It's cold and windy, and, even worse, Darcy is leaving to go back to Dubai next week...without me! Actually, she is taking her son, Spencer, which will be a great experience for him.

I still have three weeks to work out of my funk to meet some of my goals for the month, and I know I will, but man, my butt has been seriously kicked the last week or so!

Some of it has to do with the weather, as we are in the midst of one of our coldest stretches of the winter, and also I'm trying to work on budgeting my time a bit better since I am taking those two college classes. Which I must say is one HUGE positive in my life as four weeks into the semester I have an A in both classes, and thanks to my Film Appreciation class I came to the realization that Citizen Kane is an amazing movie!

The thing I'm most disappointed in is that I haven't run in nine days! Yes, I totally suck. Nine days. And, in the interim, I haven't eaten all that well, either. So I need to work on fixing that, quickly.

Also, if you go back a couple of weeks to the post where I made my declaration that I wouldn't look at my scale for six months, I had fallen into the trap of comparing myself to others. It's funny how a comment from someone you don't even know can start the wheels of self-doubt going, but that's what happened to me.

A friend of mine who was just starting a new exercise routine posted something on Facebook about how she was having energy problems and was having issues getting through workouts without feeling shaky or nauseous. So given my experience of fueling for runs, I gave her a suggestion that is actually my tried and true race-day strategy, which is easily digestible foods like bananas, yogurt or bagels, plus a lot of water. It's never failed me.

A couple of posts later, one of her friends posts, in reply to my suggestions:

"Nope. Nope. Nope. Proteins. Drinks. Bars. Real protein foods. Nothing along the line of sugary foods. No bread, rolls, bagels, etc. Must be proteins" 

OK, so I stopped short of asking her credentials, because I really don't think she has any,other than she is trying to sell my friend into some sort of money making nutritional program, but I did think it was insanely rude (and my friend agreed). But while it was was rude and wholly inaccurate -- my friend is trying to get into an exercise program to trim down for her son's wedding, not become a crossfitter -- it threw some doubt into my mind about who I am and what I'm doing, which I talked about a couple of weeks ago so I won't rehash here.

I have a lot of doubt right now...about my running, this blog, social media, my podcast. All of it. And I keep going back to the same question: Am I wasting my time?

I know, I know, it's both fruitless and pointless to dwell on it, but I am. Sometimes when my defenses are down (like in a mid-winter funk), it doesn't take much to make my confidence a little shaky, and congratulations internet troll, you did it! I'm stuck in a HUGE pit of self-doubt.

So how do I fix it? How do I get back to where I was a few weeks ago, where I was finding joy in all things running? I'm not sure, but I'm open to suggestions!

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